Friday, June 25, 2010

I don't care

Friendship / AmistadImage by victor_nuno via Flickr
One of the things about having a stroke is it does something interesting to your emotions.  You stop caring.  You lose your ability to feel emotionally.  You don't lose it completely, but it does a bloody good job of putting on the brakes. 

You can feel angry.  You can feel frustration.  You can feel confusion.  You can feel loneliness.  You can feel loss, but only in the sense of missing things from the past.  At least that's how I am and others that I know.


So what brought up this lastest ramble?  I got a phone call this morning and I was sharing some stuff that was necessary for her to understand so she would know how to help a particular person out.  Turns out she didn't believe the info was necessary and she was certain she could help the person out just fine without knowing the facts.


Have you ever tried helping someone without knowing the facts?  "Hi!  I want to help you, but don't tell me what the problem is."
  
 Can you imagine a doctor wanting to help a patient, but doesn't want to know what their symptoms are?  "Don't tell me anything!  I'll have you fixed up in no time." 



Anyway, she went on a vent to the point I almost hung up, but didn't.  I hung in there till I could change the conversation.  It worked and we were back on track. 


I realised again that we're not really friends.  Friends can talk to each other about stuff.  They can share without being judged.  You can talk things through with one another and find solutions.  You're a team.  

 I miss my friendships that were like that.  But with this one, I could take it or leave it.   If she had said she'll never call again, it would have been fine with me.  


Back to not being able to feel.   Past relationships  - I can feel.  But the present ones - I feel nothing.  It's easy to walk away.  It's easy to say I don't care.


I miss being able to feel.


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4 comments:

Chana @ Lemon Lime Moon said...

Wow. Really kind of deep here.
You'd think with a child at risk she would be all ears. People are different sometimes.
You got me thinking about my Mom now, since after an accident, she suffered many little strokes.
Glad to read posts by you again.

Yobeeone said...

Hey Lemonie-O!

Wow. Didn't know your mom had little strokes. Funny, every stroke, regardless of size changes us. Nasty little things.

Jeffie says hi. I think he's up to something. : )

Chana @ Lemon Lime Moon said...

Yup, my mother had heart attacks and many strokes along the way.
She was severely depressed. I wish there had been someone to tell me or give me information on strokes then.
doctors are closed mouthed and no help at all.
Hi Jeff. Keep it real little buddy

Yobeeone said...

There's a brain scientist who had a stroke, and what she learned from it is that most of what doctor's know about strokes is wrong. I'm inclined to agree.

It's hard to fight the depression associated with neurological problems. For instance, during the 9 days, I do what I want. I have to keep things positive & as close to normal as possible to ward off depression. If I get depressed, I'll be months fighting my way out of it. It's not worth it.