I don't care

Image by victor_nuno via Flickr

One of the things about having a stroke is it does something interesting to your emotions.  You stop caring.  You lose your ability to feel emotionally.  You don't lose it completely, but it does a bloody good job of putting on the brakes. 

You can feel angry.  You can feel frustration.  You can feel confusion.  You can feel loneliness.  You can feel loss, but only in the sense of missing things from the past.  At least that's how I am and others that I know.


So what brought up this lastest ramble?  I got a phone call this morning and I was sharing some stuff that was necessary for her to understand so she would know how to help a particular person out.  Turns out she didn't believe the info was necessary and she was certain she could help the person out just fine without knowing the facts.


Have you ever tried helping someone without knowing the facts?  "Hi!  I want to help you, but don't tell me what the problem is."
  
 Can you imagine a doctor wanting to help a patient, but doesn't want to know what their symptoms are?  "Don't tell me anything!  I'll have you fixed up in no time." 



Anyway, she went on a vent to the point I almost hung up, but didn't.  I hung in there till I could change the conversation.  It worked and we were back on track. 


I realised again that we're not really friends.  Friends can talk to each other about stuff.  They can share without being judged.  You can talk things through with one another and find solutions.  You're a team.  

 I miss my friendships that were like that.  But with this one, I could take it or leave it.   If she had said she'll never call again, it would have been fine with me.  


Back to not being able to feel.   Past relationships  - I can feel.  But the present ones - I feel nothing.  It's easy to walk away.  It's easy to say I don't care.


I miss being able to feel.

Jeffie's Plot Fails

The new kittens are getting creative in finding places to hang out.  This morning I found them up underneath my youngest nephew's truck.  I'd like to think that Jeffie was keeping an eye on them, since he was relaxing under the truck as well.  But, I think if truth be told - he talked them into climbing on the tires hoping the truck would move and run them over.  


Anyway, it wasn't long before Justin showed up.  I raced out the door to stop him from taking off.  It was a good thing too, because one of the bigger cats was taking his good old time coming out.  So, Jeffie nearly got his wish today.  I'm sure he's depressed, but he'll snap out of it and try again.  LOL

Dogs make great cuss words!

Image by The Harry Philes via Flickr

I was reading someone's tweet on twitter today and they were trying to find a way to swear that wouldn't offend anyone. She chose the word "shittu". I got to thinking, "Hey! I hate dogs! Let's use one for a swear word!" And there you have it. It's not an original idea, but I don't care. I can now say the following without offending!

Holy shitsu, Batman!

I look like shitsu.

No shitsu!

That's bullshitsu.

I don't give a shitsu!

Oh shitsu, what have I stepped in now???

It's the first time I've ever been happy dogs exist.