Image via WikipediaThere's a show on BBCA called "Being Human." Awesome show about a vampire, ghost and werewolf who are all roommates. To make a long story short, this past week the werewolf decided to put a cage in a room and take tranquilizers so that when he transforms he'll be in a safe place, won't kill anyone and sleep through the whole thing.
It worked! Well, at least until the next day when he discovered there were side-effects. For no apparent reason, he would begin yelling out cuss words. He'd try putting his hand over his mouth, but the stuff still flew. At days end, he told his roommates that the werewolf in him felt deprived, cheated because it hadn't been allowed to do it's thing.
I feel a bit like that this week. Since Bindi died, I haven't been able to really grieve. It's impossible when people are constantly around you. Thankfully, this morning was different. Mom was finally back in school and Sklya had her first day of school out near the high school. I had the farm to myself. Just me and the cats. Bliss.
So, I'm lying on the futon watching tv and one of the kittens hops up on the arm of the futon and begins cleaning itself, occasionally licking my head. That's what Bindi used to do. He would lick and lick my head till that one spot was soaked. He was so funny.
Anyway, I broke down and cried. It felt good to finally cry when a memory made me want to. It felt good to finally get it out.
While I was crying, I realised something important. My heart, like George's werewolf, has felt deprived in not being able to do it's thing - grieve, but unlike George's werewolf, my body didn't respond with sudden outbursts of anger and hilarious outbursts of cussing. My body responded in the only way it knows how - by sending my Dystonia into fits. Once I was able to cry, with the freedom of knowing I wasn't going to be interrupted, my body began to feel better.
Of course it wasn't just Bindi that was sending my body into chaos, there were a couple secondary things as well, but the main one was holding in emotions that needed to express themselves. It's a lesson worth remembering.
1 comment:
Will have to see the show.
Big 'Yup' on the wild symptoms from emotion.
Everytime I have to deal with ex husband's evilness, it sends me into severe pain.
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